people wouldn't call me intimidating anymore, i think. i'd say they see me as someone with a quiet confidence, someone who loves herself and others and life. they see me as someone who's always smiling or laughing, making eye contact to connect with others, not to intimidate them anymore.

at 17, we met at group therapy. he was a walking red flag. addicted to drugs, bad relationship with his abusive father, arrested for possession of a weapon, arrested for fighting.

on february 9th, i stepped out of my comfort zone and approached him. i don't know what drove me to do it, i just knew i had to talk to him. it started easy and laidback. i wasn't really expecting anything to happen between us, since i was still crushing on jonas. but he was fun and i didn't feel anxious talking to him....

my sister went upstairs to get dressed, and for the first time in years, I started crying. I felt scared and hopeless and overwhelmed, everything I didn't want to feel for so long. I shut down after crying for about 30 seconds.

i met him in january, the 27th to be exact. let's call him jonas. he was pretty much everything my teenage self would be afraid of — he was loud, confident, unfiltered and flirty. we looked in each other's eyes, and there was something special there. it was a mutual attraction.

so we've officially made it to 2/3 of the trip. it feels surreal sometimes, like everything happening is a movie I'm watching. anyway, here are some highlights: - split my pants in two during a panick attack while rock climbing (my personal favorite)- pressed charges for barrel dogs (very out of comfort, but was really proud!)- hitchhiked...

that's the whole post

i once again am giving myself mental breakdowns left and right that involve crying in hotel rooms, on the street and in the train.

(i didnt edit this, and you can tell lol. but i just wanted to write down the thoughts I've been having these past weeks like they came.)

monday 27/03/2023
on march 8th, we wanted to go to Rocher de Falize, a spot not far from malmedy where you had a great view. but as we were walking towards malmedy, the weather started to get a lot worse, so we decided to get some groceries instead. i only had a little backpack on my shoulders, but...

did i die? yes and no. i feel like i'm slowly losing touch with the person i thought i was. i don't recognize myself sometimes. i do things i normally wouldn't do without even thinking about it. it's kinda scary. i know i'm growing a lot, but it's all happening so fast. i feel like i'm on a rollercoaster going...