"i have nature and art and poetry, and if that isn't enough, what is?"
on february 9th, i stepped out of my comfort zone and approached him. i don't know what drove me to do it, i just knew i had to talk to him. it started easy and laidback. i wasn't really expecting anything to happen between us, since i was still crushing on jonas. but he was fun and i didn't feel anxious talking to him....
my sister went upstairs to get dressed, and for the first time in years, I started crying. I felt scared and hopeless and overwhelmed, everything I didn't want to feel for so long. I shut down after crying for about 30 seconds.
i met him in january, the 27th to be exact. let's call him jonas. he was pretty much everything my teenage self would be afraid of — he was loud, confident, unfiltered and flirty. we looked in each other's eyes, and there was something special there. it was a mutual attraction.
so we've officially made it to 2/3 of the trip. it feels surreal sometimes, like everything happening is a movie I'm watching. anyway, here are some highlights: - split my pants in two during a panick attack while rock climbing (my personal favorite)- pressed charges for barrel dogs (very out of comfort, but was really proud!)- hitchhiked...
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i once again am giving myself mental breakdowns left and right that involve crying in hotel rooms, on the street and in the train.