tw warning!!! sa

(not edited again)

I saw him today. after almost 5 years, he stepped into the store while I was at work. he was with his girlfriend. should I have said something to her? maybe I should've warned her I don't know.

I didn't even recognize him at first, because my eyes are shit. but then I stepped closer, and I looked him into his eyes.

I was in shock at first. I never expected to see him again. I didn't say anything to him. I just walked away. I don't know if he remembered me.

he walked out of the store a few minutes later, without looking at me or anything. so casually like he didn't rape me. like he never hit me.

my heart was pounding in my chest, and I felt like crying. I had to pretend nothing was wrong and help out the customers in the store.

I was finally healing. I was slowly getting comfortable with my sexuality again, slowly opening up and talking to boys. I even found it exciting when boys flirted with me.

but now that I've seen his face again, I feel like I lost all progress. I hate my body. I don't wanna have breasts, I don't wanna have hips. I wanna be so fucking ugly no one even looks at me.