life still sucks. but a little less

i didn't really feel like writing today, but a lot of things have happened since the last time i wrote, and i don't want to forget them.

we started our second attempt at backpacking last friday. we spent basically all weekend in a crappy hotel in the middle of nowhere. i've had a headache for about 12 hours now. backpacking still isn't what i hoped it would be. i cried again in public. i'll be known one day as this woman with a too large backpack who cries everywhere. i'm so sick of myself. i cry over nothing. before all this, i used to cry once every six months. now only one person has to give me the side eye and i wanna jump off a bridge. but i'm pretty sure my backpack will save my fall.

we spent all of sunday in Liege. it actually wasn't so bad. most of the stores were closed so it wasn't too crowded. at 20:30 we were able to ride along with someone to a small town in the Ardennes. it's basically just a street, which i really like. it's about an hour walk away from Malmedy, a cute town we visited today.

before i forget, a man in Liege asked us where we're from and what we were doing there. i didn't like him at first, cause he talked and behaved like a lot of creepy men do. but he was actually very nice. he wished us good luck after we told him our plans, and that he hoped everything would be fine on our trip. i'm too skeptical of people. everyone is a bad person to me until they prove me otherwise. i guess that's why i don't look very welcoming to strangers. my sister is the total opposite. she always sees the best in people and thinks everyone is as kind as her. people love being around her. her enthusiasm is contagious. they definitely prefer her over me, and that's okay. i don't think i'll ever make friends. but that thought doesn't scare me.

i fell three times this week and it's only monday. i always have this voice in the back of my head that keeps me from doing possibly dangerous things, like climbing on rocks and in trees. but i did it anyway. and yeah i fell, but that's it. the worst thing that could happen, happened. and i'm okay. i think i'm slowly opening up to the idea of getting out of my comfort zone. it are small steps, but i'll keep going forward from now on. my sister helps me so much, she makes me feel 100x braver than i actually am.

i don't know where i'll end up next week. a part of me is worried, but i'm gonna try to just go with the flow as much as possible.   was this too long? i'm sorry. i just had a lot of updates. i kind of lost my motivation to write, but i saw a lot of people coming back to my blog to check for updates, so i feel like i kind of owe it to you guys. so thank you! and thanks for reading!

love, cat.